Striking a Balance Between Safety and Exploration

Intellectually, I believe that excessive anxiety about safety should not squelch a toddler's bold exploration. I struggled with the same issues with his mother Anne as I do with Michael. My striking the right balance was only clear in retrospect.

From a paper I wrote in 1978:
From about ten months on Anne was happiest in the playground. Occasionally I would envy the mothers who could relax around the edge of the sandbox chatting with other mothers, occasionally interrupting their conversation with a gentle, "No eating sand, dear." Meanwhile, my ten month old would be roaming the far perimeters of the playground, relentlessly working to master the slide and the jungle gym. When my attention was momentarily diverted, she figured out how to slip out between the bars of the playground. She was headed toward Central Park West as I ran faster than I ever had in my life to catch her.

Very early on I decided that the only sane course of action was to let Anne try what she wanted to try and be right there to catch her in case she had overestimated her abilities. Sometimes I questioned if I were being underprotective as my 16 month old was up on a 10 foot platform headed for the giant slide while many mothers simply prohibited their two years olds to go past the 4 foot platform. Of course, there I was on the 10 foot platform and there they were on the park bench. By the time Anne was 2, I was convinced that my decision not to restrict her physical exploration was the right one because she was quite amazingly competent. And in five years she has never hurt herself in slightest in the playground.

Morning Babyproofing

Here is my babyproofing routine everyday I take care of Michael.

1. Make sure chair is blocking terrace window whose bottom track is full of graphite.
2. Move everything on the coffee table to the dining room table. Make sure everything on the table is out of reach. Remember, Michael does extensive arm and leg stretching exercises every night so his reach is at least 1/4 inches greater than the day before.
3. Move anything in the front of the TV and stereo. Make sure they are pushed back as far as they can be.
4. Use end table to conceal the chair whose stuffing Michael and the cats are working to remove.
5. Place interesting, Michael-safe objects on the coffee table
6. Make sure there is nothing on the first three shelves of all the bookcases except books.
7. Constantly monitor his ability to reach the fourth shelf.
8. Debate whether the cat food should be in the kitchen or underneath the dining room table. He seems more interested in splashing in the cat water than eating the kibble.
   
9. Sweep up the kitchen everytime Michael eats.
10. Make sure my drinks are always completely out of reach. This week Michael spilled a large glass of iced coffee and was enthralled with his achievement.
11. Search the floors for the minutest specks he will invariably find.
    

Michael and Barbie

Michelle:
I think it's funny that you once so objected to your daughters being interested in playing with Barbie dolls but now that you have a grandson, Barbies represent being liberated. What a double standard! I can't believe you are perpetuating unrealistic images of women from such an early age!

Mary Joan, being absurdly defensive:
Of course, I was joking about giving him a barbie doll for his birthday. Now that I have a record of his behavior, I will make sure he doesn't get his hands on another one! He would probably prefer a Sasha doll; they have much better hair. I would welcome a substitute hair-pulling object. Someone had put the Barbie with the dinosaurs. I wouldn't buy my daughters Barbie dolls. But I didn't snatch them out of their eager hands at someone else's house.For hguys not in the know-- Anne used the first real money she got--her first communion money--to buy about six of them. Very shortly they were beheaded, scalped, or drowned.

Mary Joan, still protesting too much, lists the nonsexist toys she has given Michael:
First Mother Goose
a wooden squish toy with movable beads
a world beach ball
Peter Seeger CD
Woody Guthrie CD
Rhythm set
xylophone
various books

Futility of Michael-Proofing

Whenever Nate is in the living room, he loves to play with the graphite in the well of the terrace window, getting his hands filthy. I have tried to block his access with a chair, but he is working on pulling the chair away.
Nate loves to suck on the plastic corners designed to protect him from sharp table and chair corners. He has decided they are more fun to suck when he has pulled them off the tables. He is 6 for 6. After he gets the corners off, he works on the adhesive still left on the coffee table and chair.

Toys Are Boring

Michael is far more interested in playing with things that are not toys. The aura of the forbidden increases their appeal immensely. He happily emptied out the second drawer of the chest in his room, finding all his bottle paraphernalia to play with.

Michael and the Dinosaurs